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 An Unexpected Morning

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Hippocampus
Mod - Friendly Neighborhood Garbage Collector
Hippocampus


Posts : 1868
Charmer Power : 582
Join date : 2013-06-01
Age : 32
Favorite Charmer : Wynn
Badges :
An Unexpected Morning 1658415264 An Unexpected Morning 3087721399An Unexpected Morning 1380831044


Character sheet
Name: Theodore Tsakiris
HP:
An Unexpected Morning Left_bar_bleue500/500An Unexpected Morning Empty_bar_bleue  (500/500)
MP:
An Unexpected Morning Left_bar_bleue200/200An Unexpected Morning Empty_bar_bleue  (200/200)

An Unexpected Morning Empty
PostSubject: An Unexpected Morning   An Unexpected Morning I_icon_minitimeSat Sep 06, 2014 8:55 pm

Here's the story I wrote for the Charmers Forum 5th anniversary contest. It's very EriaxDharc, so be warned...

Disclamer: I do not own any of the Charmers


I woke up that morning to the sound of birds chirping outside my window. Rubbing my eyes groggily, I let out a yawn. But I knew I couldn’t stay in bed all day, so I hopped out of bed and plodded over to my clothes closet. As I took off my blue button-down pajamas, I could faintly hear some animals playing and chasing each other outside.
Gigobyte, no doubt. I don’t feel like yelling at him so early in the morning, but he better not be trying to eat the birds again…
After cleaning up and getting dressed, I looked at myself in the mirror by my bed.
Eria “Yosh! I look great!”

I didn’t know how many of the other girls were awake yet, so I just sauntered over to the kitchen to help with breakfast. It was Lyna’s turn to cook today. And… let’s just say that while she usually tried her best, Lyna really wasn’t that great of a cook. She would get distracted and put in the wrong amounts of ingredients, or she would misplace something and the food wouldn’t have any taste because of it. Often times, I’d end up helping her in the end anyway. So as I entered the kitchen, there she was, looking frantic as she toiled over a pan of eggs that was spewing gray smoke into the air.
Eria “Hi Lyna, need any help?”
Lyna “Uwaa! E-eria! N-no, I’m doing fine, I don’t need your help today!”
A pot on the stove suddenly started bubbling over, and its contents spilled out all over the already-dirty stove top.
Hijiri “Aaaaaaaauugh!”
Eria “Lyna, calm down! Put out the fire under that kettle!”
Hijiri “H-h-h-h-how do I do that?!?!?!”
I rolled my eyes as I pointed my staff at the top of the stove. A tiny spray of cool water shot out from the staff tip and doused the flames underneath the boiling pot. Lyna appeared as if she was about to cry.
Lyna “E-eria… I told you I didn’t need your help…”
I put my hand on her shoulder.
Eria “Don’t worry Lyna. The world’s not gonna come to an end just because I helped you with breakfast. Learn from this mistake, and try to prevent it next time before you need backup!”
Lyna “Okay, if you insist, but I didn’t think you should do any extra work today because –”
At that, Lyna’s cheeks turned a light pink and she became quiet.
Eria “Oh? Because what?”
Lyna “Be-because you made breakfast yesterday, that’s why!”
Her stuttering confused me. My day to make breakfast was always the day before her day, and she never complained like this before. I didn’t think too much of it, though, as she did have a tendency to be scatterbrained and was probably trying to cover up something she was embarrassed about. Oh well, that’s Lyna for you.
Eria “Okay, well uh, it seems like you have everything under control then?”
Lyna “Yeah! I’ll call you when it’s ready, so make sure the others are awake too!”
She started blowing on the frying pan to try to dissipate the smoke billowing from it, but didn’t have much luck. I didn’t want to leave her there alone, but if she said she didn’t want my help, then I guess I had to resign to the idea of having burnt eggs for breakfast.

Heeding her advice, I then set out to the rooms of my fellow Charmers. Lyna’s room was actually the farthest from the kitchen, so I luckily didn’t have to walk all the way to the end of the house. The closest room to me was Hiita’s, and when I arrived there, her door was closed. I knocked twice, but there was no answer.
Hiita no baka. She’s probably still sleeping.
I turned the doorknob and found it to be unlocked, so I cracked the door open and peeked inside.

Eria“Hiita? Time for –”
Voice: “Shhh!”
Hiita was still lying in her bed, snoozing away, but the faint voice I heard seemed to come not from her but from down at my feet. Tilting my head down, I saw Fox Fire, Hiita’s familiar, staring up at me with a sleepy look of his own.
He must have scampered over to the door when I had knocked.
Fox Fire “Don’t wake us up, it’s too early in the morning…”
Eria “Fox Fire, it’s not really that early. Lyna is already making breakfast for us Charmers, and I’m sure you’re getting hungry too, right?”
Fox Fire “Uh… well… I can’t really deny that I’m hungry… but I’m pretty sure Hiita’s lazy butt won’t be up for a while, so I’ll wait for her here.”
Hiita “Hmmmrrrgghhh!”
I giggled and patted the fox’s head. Seems like Hiita had heard his snarky comment and was cursing at him under her breath.
Aoi “Tell Hiita that she can get up any time she’s ready. Lyna’s cooking is certainly improving. By the way, do you know if Gigo-chan is outside?”
Fox Fire “Huh, I would assume so, since he’s not with you. I honestly don’t know because I was sleeping until a few seconds ago.”
Eria “Oh okay, thanks anyway, Fox Fire. I’ll close the door on my way out, okay?”
Fox Fire “Yes, we’d appreciate it, thanks.”

As soon as I shut the door behind me, I heard something bump inside the room. Hiita was more than likely getting up in the next few minutes. She wasn’t inherently lazy, but if an opportunity to slack off came around, she would certainly be the one to take it. Shaking my head, I continued off to the next room down the hall, which belonged to Wynn.

Wynn would more than likely be up at this time, so I hoped that running into her would also go pretty smoothly. However, while the door to her room was indeed open, Wynn was nowhere to be found. I glanced around inside before turning to go down the hall again, and it was then that Wynn practically ran into me.
Wynn “O-oh! I-I’m sorry, Eria! I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
But before I could answer, she immediately rushed back into her room, almost forgetting I was still at her door.
Eria “Uh… morning Wynn… I just, umm, wanted you to know breakfast is going to be ready soon.”
Wynn “Huh? Oh, okay.”
Very short and distant responses from Wynn? Now I knew something was up. I didn’t want to press her about it, since knowing her it could be something personal. And unlike Lyna or Hiita in most cases, Wynn would definitely be capable of handling whatever the issue was by herself. So I just left her and went on to the next room down the hall, which belonged to Aussa. Well, there was another door on the way… but it didn’t belong to anyone anymore.

Now Aussa’s door was closed, but not all the way, and I accidentally pushed it open with a single knock. And like Wynn, Aussa was not in her room either. But unlike Wynn, I had a pretty good idea of where she could be.

I backtracked to the hall right before the kitchen and turned down another corridor, which led me to the library. Sure enough, the Charmer with glasses was relaxing on a wooden chair, her eyes intently scanning the pages of the book in her lap. She didn’t even notice I had found her until I was only a few feet away from where she was sitting.
Eria “Is that a good book, Aussa?”
Aussa “Hmm, oh good morning, Eria. Yeah, I’m reading about the history of the Secret Spellcaster Village. Did you know that fifty years ago, there was an epidemic that almost –”
Eria “While I’d love to hear more about it, I came to let you know that breakfast will be ready soon. You can stay here and read as much as you like, but just keep that in mind.”
Aussa “Oh, of course, Eria. You know I actually don’t mind your cooking.”
Eria “Well, umm… as much as I don’t want to deter you away from it, it’s Lyna’s turn to make breakfast, not mine.”
As I saw the grin quickly fade from Aussa’s face, I tried to reassure her, and myself.
Eria “B-but I did see her before I came here; she is improving!”
Kurogane “…I’ll take your word for that. See you in, what, ten minutes?”
Eria “Probably not even that, but anyway, I’m going to see how she’s doing. By the way, have you seen my Gigo-chan? I think he may be playing outside, but I’m not quite sure.”
Aussa “He’s probably outside. I know Archfiend Marmot said they were going foraging this morning. They’ll be back before breakfast, I’m sure.”
Eria “Okay, thanks so much Aussa!”
Sometimes, Aussa would act like she knew more than the rest of us, but she was always very nice and we knew she meant well. Well, maybe Hiita didn’t know that, but anyway…

I then walked back out of the library and over to the kitchen. Hiita’s voice was travelling up to my ears now; she was asking Lyna whether or not we would all survive after eating the breakfast she made. Before I could hear Lyna’s reply, however, I heard a scream, followed by a bit of laughter.
That voice… it sounded like Gigobyte!
Forgetting everything, I ran past the kitchen to the end of the house, not stopping to see whether Lyna had seen me or not. Reaching the door to go out, I grabbed it and swung it wide open. There, in the courtyard, was Gigobyte, rolling on the ground laughing, Petit Dragon at his side laughing just as hard.

Eria“Gigo-chan! Is everything alright? I didn’t see you this morning!”
Gigobyte “Huh? Eria-sama! Hi! We’re just having fun. We won’t get into trouble, promise! C’mon, Petit, Meda Bat, let’s go into the forest!”
With that, the jovial familiars scurried off into the bushes.
But wait… Gigobyte said… Meda Bat? But that means…
Voice: “They haven’t changed at all, have they?”
I could feel my eyes widen. Leaning on the side of the house was a boy with black hair and black eyes. A boy wielding a scepter of dark energy. A boy who I thought, no, who none of us thought we would ever see again.
Eria (blush) “Dharc…”
Dharc “It’s been exactly one year, Eria. So I guess you could say ‘Happy anniversary’.”

I gasped, my body now frozen in place. One year ago from today, Dharc stopped living with the other Charmers to go off on a journey. At the time, I had feelings for him. I really wanted to go with him, so I desperately asked him if I could come along. But not only did he deny my request, he told me that we could never be together as long as he lived. And until this moment, those were the last words he had ever spoken to me. I had not forgotten about this, but I had completely forgotten that it happened on this date.
Dharc stared back at me for a while, obviously expecting me to respond with more than just a stare of my own.
Dharc “I, uh… found something on my travels. It reminded me of you.”
Those words snapped me out of my trance.
Eria (blush) “O-oh? What is it?”
Dharc did not reply as he slipped his hand into his pocket and grabbed something. He then extended his arm to me and opened his hand. In the center of his palm lay a small blue gemstone that sparkled in the sunlight. I gasped again, this time out of awe.
Eria “Wow, it’s beautiful! Is this sapphire?”
Dharc “You can have it. I don’t need it.”
Eria “R-really? Thank you!”
As I picked up the stone, my fingers brushed against his hand, causing me to blush slightly. I looked at his face, but he was looking down, averting my gaze.
Dharc “Y-yeah, you can treat that like an anniversary present or something. Maybe I’ll look for a better one to give you next year.”
So he only came back to give me this? Does that mean…
Eria “So you’re not coming back for good? You’re just leaving again?”
Dharc “I don’t need to stay here. I like it better when I’m alone. Meda Bat keeps me company if I need someone to talk to.”
Eria “Dharc… so you don’t feel remorse at all for what you told me a year ago.”
Dharc “I… I never said that. If I truly felt no remorse, I wouldn’t even be here right now.”
Eria “…I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel about that.”
Dharc said nothing. I was even more confused now. He wasn’t wrong in saying what he said, but from that alone I had no way of knowing what he really thought about back then.

Then the door I came out of swung open again, breaking the silence, and another voice called out from behind me.
Wynn “Petit! Time for break–”
Wynn’s eyes widened too when she saw Dharc, and she froze mid-sentence. Then it hit me. Her acting strange around me earlier, did that have to do with…?
Eria “You knew, didn’t you Wynn? You knew what today was?”
Wynn “Uh… I-I-I thought you knew too, Eria. Everyone knew…”
Eria “Everyone? Lyna, Aussa, even Hiita?”
Wynn “Y-y-yes… we missed him too, you know…”
Suddenly I felt terrible that I was the only one who hadn't been keeping track of the dates. It was such a significant event in my life, but I had no idea that it affected the others just as much as it affected me. That also explained why Lyna didn’t want my help to make breakfast – she must have thought I should cheer up and not be put down by doing extra work. They all wanted me to be happy... because they thought that, inside, I was depressed.
Eria “So… so did you ask Dharc to come? Did you ask him to give me this?”
I held up the gemstone as I accused the poor wind Charmer. Then I felt a hand rest upon my shoulder, and I turned to see Dharc looking at me with a very serious face.
Dharc “How could they ask me to come? I was far away, right?”
Eria (blush) “Dharc…”
Dharc “I came of my own accord, Eria. It has been a while, and I don’t want to forget about you all.”
I could feel a tear rolling down my cheek as he spoke those words.
Eria (blush) “Dharc… Dharc no baka!”

No one could have expected what happened then. Not even Wynn could have expected how my arms wrapped around Dharc’s body. Not even Dharc could have expected the impact of my face burying into his shoulder, slowly moistening it with my tears. Not even I could have expected to feel Dharc’s hand caress the back of my head, as if he was trying to say he actually cared about me.
I don’t want you to leave, Dharc. Please, don’t leave…

We stayed in silence, holding our embrace for a long time. Finally, I felt his hand drop to his side again, and I lifted my head up.
Wynn “I’ll… I’ll go get you a tissue, Eria.”
She went back in the house, closing the door behind her. Dharc’s gaze wandered over to where she was just standing.
Dharc “Hey, are the others around? Maybe I’ll go inside to see them before I go…”
Eria “…Actually, Dharc…”
Dharc “Hmm?”
Looking back on it, I’m surprised how much effort it took me to muster the courage to ask my next question.
Eria “Would you… …would you like to stay for breakfast? Lyna’s made her burnt eggs today.”
Dharc cringed upon hearing that, but I knew deep down that the kind of food didn’t matter much to him in the long run. For the first time today, his lips curved upward.
Dharc “Sure, I’ll stay.”
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Wynn
Intermediate Charmer
Intermediate Charmer
Wynn


Posts : 527
Charmer Power : 2548
Join date : 2010-09-20
Age : 33
Location : California
Badges :
An Unexpected Morning 414547


An Unexpected Morning Empty
PostSubject: Re: An Unexpected Morning   An Unexpected Morning I_icon_minitimeFri Sep 19, 2014 11:42 am

Yay! I finally saved up the energy to read this. And now I am spent;

Wynn used rest.

*Two Days Later*

ok, now for my comments. Overal the begining was solid but I felt you lost your edge at about the half way point.

Eria seems to be acting like a messanger? I mean, I get the whole telling people a message in a large house, and finding a sleeping hiita or a cooking Lyna makes sense but then it just felt like roll call. And my mind went "Wait, so Aussa and Wynn, who seem like they have been awake before Eria needed the message that Lyna was cooking? Why? They hadn't noticed? They didn't realize it was her turn? They live together, this can't be the first time Lyna burnt eggs" but maybe I was reading too much into that. The whole dharc thing is nice, but it needed forshadowing. And no, Lyna cooking and trying to do something special doesn't count if anything they are leading to opposite ends which is why the end I think trialed off. I get how now dharc is back CELEBRATE but Lyna didn't know this before did she? Wynn? Why were they celebrating a day Eria if anything dreaded. that is like "So, hippo and Elizabeth got divorced, its a day Hippo wishes he could forget. What should I do.... SUPRISE PARTY CELEBRATING IT! That will sure help him forget." lol So see, now Lyna and Wynn just come off as evil. Forshadowing in this sense probably should have been Eria thinking about dharc, since much of this is in her mind, her thinking about him what have put the thoughts where they needed to be. And it wouldn't give to much away because you can hint at wrong things. Like implying Dharc died, when he just left.

Less important random notes.
Aussa history lesson stuck out to me.
Fox fire talking surprised me

Mildly more important note, dharc felt like a tool. Like a "I wanna be cool, I don't care what I want, I just want people to see I am cool. Talking like a jerk is cool? Hell yeah I am a jerk. Wait not talking like a jerk is cool, man I never talk like a jerk." I also loved his logic. "I prefer to be alone, and I don't need company because I have company" <--- lol and he is a jerk. lol

That is about it. Overal it was neat.
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Hippocampus
Mod - Friendly Neighborhood Garbage Collector
Hippocampus


Posts : 1868
Charmer Power : 582
Join date : 2013-06-01
Age : 32
Favorite Charmer : Wynn
Badges :
An Unexpected Morning 1658415264 An Unexpected Morning 3087721399An Unexpected Morning 1380831044


Character sheet
Name: Theodore Tsakiris
HP:
An Unexpected Morning Left_bar_bleue500/500An Unexpected Morning Empty_bar_bleue  (500/500)
MP:
An Unexpected Morning Left_bar_bleue200/200An Unexpected Morning Empty_bar_bleue  (200/200)

An Unexpected Morning Empty
PostSubject: Re: An Unexpected Morning   An Unexpected Morning I_icon_minitimeFri Sep 19, 2014 9:52 pm

Wynn wrote:
Yay! I finally saved up the energy to read this. And now I am spent;

Wynn used rest.
LOL I love comments like these the most.

Wynn wrote:
ok, now for my comments. Overal the begining was solid but I felt you lost your edge at about the half way point.

Eria seems to be acting like a messanger? I mean, I get the whole telling people a message in a large house, and finding a sleeping hiita or a cooking Lyna makes sense but then it just felt like roll call. And my mind went "Wait, so Aussa and Wynn, who seem like they have been awake before Eria needed the message that Lyna was cooking? Why? They hadn't noticed? They didn't realize it was her turn? They live together, this can't be the first time Lyna burnt eggs" but maybe I was reading too much into that. The whole dharc thing is nice, but it needed forshadowing. And no, Lyna cooking and trying to do something special doesn't count if anything they are leading to opposite ends which is why the end I think trialed off. I get how now dharc is back CELEBRATE but Lyna didn't know this before did she? Wynn? Why were they celebrating a day Eria if anything dreaded. that is like "So, hippo and Elizabeth got divorced, its a day Hippo wishes he could forget. What should I do.... SUPRISE PARTY CELEBRATING IT! That will sure help him forget." lol So see, now Lyna and Wynn just come off as evil. Forshadowing in this sense probably should have been Eria thinking about dharc, since much of this is in her mind, her thinking about him what have put the thoughts where they needed to be. And it wouldn't give to much away because you can hint at wrong things. Like implying Dharc died, when he just left.

Less important random notes.
Aussa history lesson stuck out to me.
Fox fire talking surprised me

Mildly more important note, dharc felt like a tool. Like a "I wanna be cool, I don't care what I want, I just want people to see I am cool. Talking like a jerk is cool? Hell yeah I am a jerk. Wait not talking like a jerk is cool, man I never talk like a jerk." I also loved his logic. "I prefer to be alone, and I don't need company because I have company" <--- lol and he is a jerk. lol

That is about it. Overal it was neat.
Thanks for your critique, I mean it.

There were some parts I could have expanded on, like Dharc's backstory, but considering it was a one-shot that wasn't originally going to be in this format I decided to cut a few corners. And they weren't celebrating at all... they were just trying to be nicer than usual to Eria since they thought she would be depressed. And I didn't make Eria think too much about Dharc since, if she had, she may have figured out that he had left on that date, which would ruin the element of surprise. But I'm glad you liked it Smile

I'm obliged to post on your story now, but like Yami said, you had to be an outcast and not make your own thread for it Razz
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Wynn
Intermediate Charmer
Intermediate Charmer
Wynn


Posts : 527
Charmer Power : 2548
Join date : 2010-09-20
Age : 33
Location : California
Badges :
An Unexpected Morning 414547


An Unexpected Morning Empty
PostSubject: Re: An Unexpected Morning   An Unexpected Morning I_icon_minitimeSat Sep 20, 2014 12:19 am

Hippocampus wrote:
Wynn wrote:
Yay! I finally saved up the energy to read this. And now I am spent;

Wynn used rest.
LOL I love comments like these the most.

Wynn wrote:
ok, now for my comments. Overal the begining was solid but I felt you lost your edge at about the half way point.

Eria seems to be acting like a messanger? I mean, I get the whole telling people a message in a large house, and finding a sleeping hiita or a cooking Lyna makes sense but then it just felt like roll call. And my mind went "Wait, so Aussa and Wynn, who seem like they have been awake before Eria needed the message that Lyna was cooking? Why? They hadn't noticed? They didn't realize it was her turn? They live together, this can't be the first time Lyna burnt eggs" but maybe I was reading too much into that. The whole dharc thing is nice, but it needed forshadowing. And no, Lyna cooking and trying to do something special doesn't count if anything they are leading to opposite ends which is why the end I think trialed off. I get how now dharc is back CELEBRATE but Lyna didn't know this before did she? Wynn? Why were they celebrating a day Eria if anything dreaded. that is like "So, hippo and Elizabeth got divorced, its a day Hippo wishes he could forget. What should I do.... SUPRISE PARTY CELEBRATING IT! That will sure help him forget." lol So see, now Lyna and Wynn just come off as evil. Forshadowing in this sense probably should have been Eria thinking about dharc, since much of this is in her mind, her thinking about him what have put the thoughts where they needed to be. And it wouldn't give to much away because you can hint at wrong things. Like implying Dharc died, when he just left.

Less important random notes.
Aussa history lesson stuck out to me.
Fox fire talking surprised me

Mildly more important note, dharc felt like a tool. Like a "I wanna be cool, I don't care what I want, I just want people to see I am cool. Talking like a jerk is cool? Hell yeah I am a jerk. Wait not talking like a jerk is cool, man I never talk like a jerk." I also loved his logic. "I prefer to be alone, and I don't need company because I have company" <--- lol and he is a jerk. lol

That is about it. Overal it was neat.
Thanks for your critique, I mean it.

There were some parts I could have expanded on, like Dharc's backstory, but considering it was a one-shot that wasn't originally going to be in this format I decided to cut a few corners. And they weren't celebrating at all... they were just trying to be nicer than usual to Eria since they thought she would be depressed. And I didn't make Eria think too much about Dharc since, if she had, she may have figured out that he had left on that date, which would ruin the element of surprise. But I'm glad you liked it Smile

I'm obliged to post on your story now, but like Yami said, you had to be an outcast and not make your own thread for it Razz

Well, there is holding a surprise and then there is not given needed detail. See having Eria not even remember this, while everyone elseis walking on egg shells, comes off as wierd. And fair enough, you cut corners. Thing is, I am saying that Eria should have internalized some of this more. I mean when you see dharc i is after everyone else. comes off ver much it was his turn in the cue. Plus like I said, it would have been simple to through readers off with a "Eria sobbed thinking about how Dharc had left them, never to be seen again, to her it simply wasn't fair. Why him she wondered" And then it might make peple thin she is grievng a dead brother when it is actually a well ou know.

Wait did't you read my charmer story? Could swear I remember you commenting on fox fire. lol. Well if you want to pay me back readng, my story is always waitng Smile I recently did a page count. 91(and a half) lol. ALL PLOT.

Also Wynn uses "Wake Up Slap"(Yes that is a pokemon move) and was it super effective on hippo?
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Hippocampus
Mod - Friendly Neighborhood Garbage Collector
Hippocampus


Posts : 1868
Charmer Power : 582
Join date : 2013-06-01
Age : 32
Favorite Charmer : Wynn
Badges :
An Unexpected Morning 1658415264 An Unexpected Morning 3087721399An Unexpected Morning 1380831044


Character sheet
Name: Theodore Tsakiris
HP:
An Unexpected Morning Left_bar_bleue500/500An Unexpected Morning Empty_bar_bleue  (500/500)
MP:
An Unexpected Morning Left_bar_bleue200/200An Unexpected Morning Empty_bar_bleue  (200/200)

An Unexpected Morning Empty
PostSubject: Re: An Unexpected Morning   An Unexpected Morning I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 25, 2014 8:50 am

Wynn wrote:
Well, there is holding a surprise and then there is not given needed detail. See having Eria not even remember this, while everyone elseis walking on egg shells, comes off as wierd. And fair enough, you cut corners. Thing is, I am saying that Eria should have internalized some of this more. I mean when you see dharc i is after everyone else. comes off ver much it was his turn in the cue. Plus like I said, it would have been simple to through readers off with a "Eria sobbed thinking about how Dharc had left them, never to be seen again, to her it simply wasn't fair. Why him she wondered" And then it might make peple thin she is grievng a dead brother when it is actually a well ou know.
Makes sense. Well thanks again for your comments. If I decide to rewrite this in the format I had originally planned to, I'll definitely remember what you said and edit those parts.

Wynn wrote:
Wait did't you read my charmer story? Could swear I remember you commenting on fox fire. lol. Well if you want to pay me back readng, my story is always waitng Smile I recently did a page count. 91(and a half) lol. ALL PLOT.
Of course I did read your story. I read everyone's contest entries before I even voted lol. I believe twas Kaze who commented tho. I can comment if you want.

Wynn wrote:
Also Wynn uses "Wake Up Slap"(Yes that is a pokemon move) and was it super effective on hippo?
Is Wake-Up Slap Gen 4 or Gen 5? Because I don't remember what it does.
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Wynn
Intermediate Charmer
Intermediate Charmer
Wynn


Posts : 527
Charmer Power : 2548
Join date : 2010-09-20
Age : 33
Location : California
Badges :
An Unexpected Morning 414547


An Unexpected Morning Empty
PostSubject: Re: An Unexpected Morning   An Unexpected Morning I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 25, 2014 12:46 pm

Hippocampus wrote:
Wynn wrote:
Well, there is holding a surprise and then there is not given needed detail. See having Eria not even remember this, while everyone elseis walking on egg shells, comes off as wierd. And fair enough, you cut corners. Thing is, I am saying that Eria should have internalized some of this more. I mean when you see dharc i is after everyone else. comes off ver much it was his turn in the cue. Plus like I said, it would have been simple to through readers off with a "Eria sobbed thinking about how Dharc had left them, never to be seen again, to her it simply wasn't fair. Why him she wondered" And then it might make peple thin she is grievng a dead brother when it is actually a well ou know.
Makes sense. Well thanks again for your comments. If I decide to rewrite this in the format I had originally planned to, I'll definitely remember what you said and edit those parts.

Wynn wrote:
Wait did't you read my charmer story? Could swear I remember you commenting on fox fire. lol. Well if you want to pay me back readng, my story is always waitng Smile I recently did a page count. 91(and a half) lol. ALL PLOT.
Of course I did read your story. I read everyone's contest entries before I even voted lol. I believe twas Kaze who commented tho. I can comment if you want.

Wynn wrote:
Also Wynn uses "Wake Up Slap"(Yes that is a pokemon move) and was it super effective on hippo?
Is Wake-Up Slap Gen 4 or Gen 5? Because I don't remember what it does.

lol. Wake up slap, I have no idea, just know it is a move in X, and it does double damage on sleepin pokemonbut wakes them up.
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Hippocampus
Mod - Friendly Neighborhood Garbage Collector
Hippocampus


Posts : 1868
Charmer Power : 582
Join date : 2013-06-01
Age : 32
Favorite Charmer : Wynn
Badges :
An Unexpected Morning 1658415264 An Unexpected Morning 3087721399An Unexpected Morning 1380831044


Character sheet
Name: Theodore Tsakiris
HP:
An Unexpected Morning Left_bar_bleue500/500An Unexpected Morning Empty_bar_bleue  (500/500)
MP:
An Unexpected Morning Left_bar_bleue200/200An Unexpected Morning Empty_bar_bleue  (200/200)

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PostSubject: Re: An Unexpected Morning   An Unexpected Morning I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 25, 2014 10:27 pm

Wynn wrote:
lol. Wake up slap, I have no idea, just know it is a move in X, and it does double damage on sleepin pokemonbut wakes them up.
Oh okay that's what I thought but I wasn't sure. It's like Smellingsalt for sleep.
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PostSubject: Re: An Unexpected Morning   An Unexpected Morning I_icon_minitime

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